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A mother’s wisdom

Through out my life I have always been skeptical about some of the things
that my mom has told me. How could I not be when the advice is coming from
a woman who heard about the bird flu on the late night news and mailed me
500+ face masks from Taiwan. The same woman who, if I didn’t pick up my
phone after four calls has already jumped into her car and is high-tailing
it to my approximate location. And at times I am pretty sure she says
thing just to scare me into doing things her way.  During high school my
relationship with my mom can be described through Greek mythology’s clash
of the titans. 

But today i know that I am my mother's daughter. I wash my fruit with salt water
because I have seen her do it a thousand times. I don't put gas in my car until I have 
only four miles left in my tank and am panicking to find the nearest gas station. All these
quirky things subconsciously found their ways in to my habits, but all I wish is that I could 
have her foresight. Head some of her warnings. Or maybe i just shouldn't be so stubborn 
all the time. Thanks mom for subliminally giving me the guidance that I stubbornly refused
to take. 

Thankful for heartbreak?

This is my first Thanksgiving without you. After a year where we made a make shift thanksgiving dinner for ourselves, a year at your mom’s side and then a year at your dads… i find myself having thanksgiving dinner in the city where you used to live. As i drove pass the multiplex where we used to watch movies, I began to wonder how your first thanksgiving without me was like..

i wondered if you thought of me

i wondered if you missed me

i wondered if it was okay to send you a happy thanksgiving text

but the more i thought about it i saw that i did not feel thankful for you.

i did not feel thankful for the heart break

i did not feel thankful for the abandonment

i did not feel thankful for your not fighting for me

so i left it as that

but once i got home i remember something that i read earlier in the week

“I think there are two kinds of love. One is the kind of love where a person already has decided the things they want to happen to them, the things they desperately want and need and associate with love, they’ve mapped them out on their own heart beforehand, and they’re just trying to find someone to do them with. They’ve already decided that love = zany photobooth pictures and sharing their favorite movie on the couch once a week and saying this one pet name and them both liking the same band and going to the same coffeeshop and looking up and smiling over a book. So every person they date, they take them on the same walk to the same place and take the same pictures and pose the same pose and try the same lean-in and give the same mix tape, just giving the routine they want a test drive over and over again until it sticks, and then they get all the comforts that come with the routine of loving someone who holds the same things dear, or is at least game for holding your things dear with you.

And then there’s the other kind of love, that kind that sneaks up on you and punches you in the throat, and every part of it seems crazy and foreign at first, from the person and how they make you feel to the new things you find yourself doing, and you’re almost weirded out by how strange it is, and how you’re simultaneously repelled and attracted to it, and you might roll your eyes at it all and say, whatever, I’m not in love, I’m just doing this for awhile, but then one day you realize you want that strange new routine and person and it’s more love than anything else has ever been ever in your whole entire life, ever.

Interchangeable photobooth people, I wish you well, but I’ll take my punch in the throat.”

I did have things that i wanted to happen

I did have things that I desperately wanted, needed and associated with love

But i realized today that I want that punch in the throat kind of love

The kind of love that you will never expect to find

The one where you have no expectations and every action will exceed your wildest dreams

I am thankful for you because you made me realized that love is not a routine

I am thankful for this opportunity to find that person that will punch me in throat

swoop me off my feet

take my breathe away

and amaze me beyond the wonders of the world

the line

The line


Please cross the line if you are human
Everyone in this room should be on the other side
Because to be here
you have to have lungs to breath
Eyes that are the widows to your soul
 a heart that beats to you own rhythm
and a light 
a light that is shinning so bright
when u walked in to this room I could already feel your warmth

Please cross the line if you are a student
The majority in this room should be on the other side 
As I look across the line 
I hope that you cherish
All the memories that you  make
Even though some will be mistakes 
And you when you look back
All you want is to take those mistakes and have a remake
Just know that in the end everything will be okay

Please cross the line if you have been publically labeled as not feminie or
masculine enough
To those that cross 
You are enough for me and everyone else in this roon
You are the light that brings down facades 
And conquers all odds
And gives mine the strenght to say that i too  am  enough

Please cross the line if you have a hidden or obvious disability
Deep breath take a step its only a line
But this line is proof of my trails
My tributations
My succumbing to fears
And the pain and the tears
As I stand on that side alone and looking into your eyes
And trying to picture the thoughts running through ur mind
I look down at my feet with a smile on my face
Becuase I know that my crossing this line 
Will lead the way for u to do the same for me
Because we know that that we don't need to explain our selves
And that our trials
Our tribulations
Our pains and our Tears
Has shaped the warmth within us
And given us our light

So do your self that favor and cross that line
Cross the line for opportunities
Cross the line for new friendships
Cross the line for what you believine
Cross the line for you
Take that breathe that you need 
Close your eyes
And 
Please crosss the line